IN LOVE or just LOVE?

I've been in love before... My first real love ended in a heart break and since then, I've had to wallow over him for a long while, let myself heal, and love again...

I've been in and out of blissful love... But there comes a time in your love life when you wonder, is this what I want in a relationship? Is it really? I don't know. I'm unsure of myself and everything about my relationship, and it just gets harder and harder to focus on him. I have come to that stage at this moment. I have been stuck in this stage of my relationship for a long time. It's a loop hole that I cannot escape from, and it suffocates me from the inside...

I've thrown tantrums, I've been frustrated, I've been HULK angry, I've been caring, I've been loving, I've been kind, I've been everything you could ask for in a girlfriend and more. Sometimes. But it's not enough sometimes. Sometimes, you want something different. Or you think you do. But do you actually want what you think you do? And there you are again, back to the loop hole that got you wondering in the first place.

I've been faithful. I've considered options. I've cheated. I've renewed my faith each time, and yet, I cannot make myself happy. What will I do next? This is a question of the heart, yet the brain will not cease to think. But does my head not follow my heart? If so, why not? These questions forever linger, unanswered. It's not abnormal to feel in such a way. It's perfectly normal, as a matter of fact, to feel unsure. It only means you care enough about yourself and your future to consider other options. The what if's of your past.

Trust yourself. Go with it. Listen to your heart. Or your head, whatever will make you feel better about being in a relationship.

I used to talk nonstop about my boyfriend. Now? Not so much. What is the significance in talking about the person you have already talked enough about for the first year? Does that mean you love him any less? Maybe. Does that mean you've fallen out of love? Maybe. Does that mean you are still in love with him? I don't know... "I just don't know" seems to be the answer to every question in relation to my relationship. When I do find the answer, I hope it will place my heart in the right person's hand...