An Immigration Story: Part VII

Due to unfortunate circumstances, I now have to move my immigration story to my personal blog... I hope those of you that have been following my story to continue, although it may not seem as official (since it's no longer on the Law Firm's website). Thanks for reading! :)

The second mishap consisted of a girl named Stacey. She was a very mature looking black girl that got in trouble for small things every day. She liked to bother people in class, especially the quiet kids. She was definitely interested in me, because I was a new student and I was fairly quiet for the first couple of days. She picked on me and took my pencils and pens without asking and just smiled coyly when I was looking at her, astounded there was such a person who dared to take things without asking, in Canada! She was really just a bully that nobody really liked, and she wanted attention from the class. She liked to sing Alicia Keys’ and Beyonce’s songs aloud, and when I laughed at her for being silly, her face turned very somber. She would ask me what was so funny about her singing. I responded I have never heard that song before, so she would go back to singing her songs, because I didn’t know what songs she was singing anyways. She wasn’t the only black person in class, but she was the only mean black girl in class. She wouldn’t listen to anybody when they told her to stop being silly and behave herself, she wouldn’t pay attention to the teachers when they would talk to her in private, and she never listened to me when I would ask kindly for her to return whatever she took from me. I was quite angry one time and I marched right up to her to say, “Give me back my pen! It’s not yours and I didn’t give you permission to use it!” She looked at me curiously and smiled, cockily. She laughed by herself for a bit, and to my surprise, she returned my pen. I said thank you and returned to my seat. She kept staring at me for the rest of the class and I had a feeling she was beginning to like me. Surely she knew better than to assume I would become good friends with her, after harassing me so many times like that. But she did like me, and after that, she never touched my things. She started to yell at me from across the hall saying hi, and patting me on the back (pretty hard, too!) with her abnormal strength. She was an amusing person that did not know how to interact with others if she wanted to become their friend. She was so used to bullying everybody, it was hard for her to fit in as a normal girl. I did not help her, but she did stay out of trouble for a while. I’ll never know if that were due to me standing up to her or something that changed inside her. Either way, Stacey was never amongst the best of my friends, but I accepted her for who she was: a coy girl who really just wanted acceptance from her classmates through means of bullying and harassing others.

IN LOVE or just LOVE?

I've been in love before... My first real love ended in a heart break and since then, I've had to wallow over him for a long while, let myself heal, and love again...

I've been in and out of blissful love... But there comes a time in your love life when you wonder, is this what I want in a relationship? Is it really? I don't know. I'm unsure of myself and everything about my relationship, and it just gets harder and harder to focus on him. I have come to that stage at this moment. I have been stuck in this stage of my relationship for a long time. It's a loop hole that I cannot escape from, and it suffocates me from the inside...

I've thrown tantrums, I've been frustrated, I've been HULK angry, I've been caring, I've been loving, I've been kind, I've been everything you could ask for in a girlfriend and more. Sometimes. But it's not enough sometimes. Sometimes, you want something different. Or you think you do. But do you actually want what you think you do? And there you are again, back to the loop hole that got you wondering in the first place.

I've been faithful. I've considered options. I've cheated. I've renewed my faith each time, and yet, I cannot make myself happy. What will I do next? This is a question of the heart, yet the brain will not cease to think. But does my head not follow my heart? If so, why not? These questions forever linger, unanswered. It's not abnormal to feel in such a way. It's perfectly normal, as a matter of fact, to feel unsure. It only means you care enough about yourself and your future to consider other options. The what if's of your past.

Trust yourself. Go with it. Listen to your heart. Or your head, whatever will make you feel better about being in a relationship.

I used to talk nonstop about my boyfriend. Now? Not so much. What is the significance in talking about the person you have already talked enough about for the first year? Does that mean you love him any less? Maybe. Does that mean you've fallen out of love? Maybe. Does that mean you are still in love with him? I don't know... "I just don't know" seems to be the answer to every question in relation to my relationship. When I do find the answer, I hope it will place my heart in the right person's hand...